Konoha Gone Wack!
by xXLovelyLexxiXx
Summary: twisted love! Sakura, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Ino, Tenten, Neji, Hinata, Naruto, Karin, Suigetsu with Naruto hokage and team 7 the next sannin Sakuras crazy sister and father come into the pic making life wierd and crazy Hinata!...oh what war does to people!
1. Chapter 1

_Sakura...What have I Become?_

Disclaimer: okay I really really only wanna say this once so here it is- me noo own Naruto!...Hinata-chan does! hahaha well no actually Kishimoto-san does (own the whole naruto cast) I am simply using his wonderfully crazy characters to make story that my cousin begged me to post cause I do write a lot of stories I just hate typing im not slow it just tests my patience lol any way the only thing i own here is the OC Mikata because I made her up just right now! Oh yeah please please please review!^_^"

oh yea- just a fair warning here this story will be a little- okay VERY confusing at first and if you do continue to read my deranged story you have fair warning i wrote this back in '07 wit Natalie so its whack anyway here is the background- more like the concept of the story…-

It will become an AU story eventually due to timetravel btw but basically, Orochikabu, Akatsuki(some/most), and Mandara have been err…properly 'disposed' of but during the huge battle the life of the fifth hokage was ended, while little to no damage was done to the actual village some shinobi have become so emotionally scared they may never be the same again.

Naruto is being appointed to be the next hokage as is Sakura but she has no intention of becoming that. Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke(despite him being a missing-nin) have been appointed to be the next pair of legendary sannin seeing as how the last trio are now all dead. He still acts like the same idiot that all know and most love. His attacks are based off of wind and electricity he is willing to fight anyone if its for his village.

Sakura is an ANBU hunter-nin who is quite fond of using her katana and rare home made poisons to kill her enemy off and is a huge fan of torture. She, before the huge battle had often been sent off on seduction missions because of her beauty(mainly her eyes and chest). She when not in anbu gear wears very sexy clothes that are sure to make any man (and some girls) with hormones either faint or have a nose bleed just from glancing her way. Though if they are her target they will quickly change their opinion on her once she has them cornered for she is rather sadistic and rude always one for using some fire, electricity,or steel based jutsu on her victims.

Hinata is in the same anbu squad as Sakura, after seeing the great battle her fragility has broken, she is now merely a shell of her former self she is not shy or prude she is very similar to Sakura only she talks more her specialty lies in seduction. She almost never carries weapons seeing as how she has the Byakugan and Sakura to protect her.

Tenten hasn't and never will break her determination can rival Sakura's sure she has changed a bit over the years but in everyone else's opinion the only thing thats missing is the playful spark in her eye though no one can blame her she and Neji had to watch as Lee and Gai died before their very eves. She dresses sorta sexy but is kind of conservative, and of course she will always be the weapons mistress also using earth based jutsu.

Ino the most stubborn woman on the whole planet to put it short and simple as Shikamaru and Sakura would care to put it she is troublesome. She dresses just as bad as Sakura and Hinata(or technically good), she will never be quiet and is rather fond of killing people using water based jutsus also she is good at being an interrogator, she learned from the best after all -coughSAKURAcough-

Shikamaru is the same old….troublesome person who likes to stare at clouds more than anything(in my story he don't smoke) his attacks are based on water(clouds) and earth based.

Karin secretly Sakuras unidentical twin born 3min. before Sakura she wants her sister to accept her but knows that she never will be so long as she acts like a slut, she is a good for nothing who doesn't like to train she isn't even sure she has an element she flings herself all over Sasuke in hopes that her crush will get jealous…yup thats right Karin does NOT like Sasuke she is head over heels in love with her other teammate Suigetsu.,who unfortunately hates her for being scandalous all the time.

Sasuke same old avenger who just killed off the last Uchiha's(Itachi and Mandara) plans on returning to Konoha to ask-scratch that Uchiha(s) don't ask they get- reinstated as a leaf ninja also plans on bringing along his team, his attacks are based off fire and electricity his Sharingan also gives him an advantage over most people he fights.

more people will be explained as the story continues!^_^'

On Hokage Mountain (all able ninja are there)

the village elders begin their long(and boring) speech- (around 2 hours later)- "and so it has been decided that the two candidates for being the sixth hokage will be…. Uzumaki Naruto and Haruno Sakura…. they both show excellent qualities that(blah blah blah)…"

"I REFUSE! this sort of job is the kind that requires one to stay inside the village never to roam around and enjoy life beyond the walls of the village and i cannot- no will not tie myself down to that position…the thought is simply dreadful! So sorry Naruto it looks like you'll have to be the hokage" Sakura told Naruto and everyone how she truly felt about the position she was just offered…the elders were so not happy that a sannin just basically made the highest level ranking ninja position of the whole village sound like it was…well crap compared to being able to walk outside of those gates and not be called a traitor…like a certain Uchiha once was.

"YESS! DATABAYO! YOU GOT IT SAKURA- oww! Neji what was that for?" Yelled Naruto. "Hn just keep your voice down we don't need to alert the whole village at 6a.m. you idiot!" Neji said with his eye twitching and his only remaining teammate behind him sweatdropping. Tenten then whispered to Hinata, Ino, and Sakura "jeez i always knew Hyuuga wasn't a morning person…heeheehee!" then all the girls minus Tenten started laughing when the beyond irked Hyuuga turned to death glare at the giggling girls but more specifically right at Tenten.

"Very well then it seems your decision has been made then, Haruno?" said one of the female elders, Sakura nodded her head and then the elder spoke once again "Well then, with all these ninja as witnesses Naruto Uzumaki is now named the sixth hokage! May he lead us in (the blah blah blah!)"

3(troublesome) hours later 

A messenger came running to hokage mountain screaming that Uchiha Sasuke had returned along with a team…with that said all ninja sprang into action teleporting to the scene of the crime err…actually the front gate, conveniently the exact same one that he used to leave many years ago

there stood the Uchiha tall and proud with Suigetsu, Karin, and Juggo right behind him everyone was quiet until Karin jumped forward going "sister!" Sakura being annoyed by her older twin quickly pulled out her katana from its sheath strapped to her back that was well concealed due to her extremely long hair then swung it aiming at Karin's neck she stopped when her katana was about 3cm away from her throat she was beyond pissed off right now

"Karin," she growled out "what did I say I would do if your filth ever appeared before me again" Karin barely managed to choke out "b-b-bu-but si-sist-sister! I-I I-ummm!" "Sakura! thats enough! let your twin go this instant!" said Mikata now mad herself "grr…what a traitor you are Mikata! Some loyal bitch you turned out to be you should just leave my sight!" Mikata didn't budge an inch she didn't even flinch when Sakura glared a glare that promised death "NOW!…thats an order!" Sakura yelled, Mikata gave Karin a regretful glance before heading towards the Haruno estate walking very slow

Sakura irritated then put her katana back on her back and then grabbed Karin from the front of her shirt pulled her close to her face whispered in her ear so that only she could here "you have a lot of explaining to do" then shoved her towards Sasuke's team "so i suggest you start now" Sakura finished out loud for everyone to hear but they barely heard her for it was almost a whisper just slightly louder. "I we uhhh this has to be talked about in public- err i mean private!" Karin finished out lamely. Sakura just looked at her as in yeah right speak now! "o-okay fine i need to talk to mother and you" Karin said quietly "Well its to late to talk to that woman" she said with venom in her voice, "w-wh-why did she d-die in the war or…something?" finished Karin softly. "hn, thats none of your concern that information is only available to those who rightfully belong to the Haruno clan," "then take me to go see father!" Karin shrieked at Sakura "-sigh- so she never told you did she? see 'that woman' was married into the clan and yet you and me are only half related, my father the honorable clan leader does not need to associate with the likes of you" Sakura sneered now getting irritated with Karin and a dead woman who was probably already burning in hell.

"But Sakura I have a right to talk to my father-" "Im sorry but if you haven't caught on to what im trying to tell you i'll tell you myself right now- Karin that woman was both our mother but father was not her real love she was money hungry so she married father and secretly had another lover behind his back so she had twins, us and yet father found out about her lover and so we were D.N.A. tested after we were born, now do you know why we were never allowed to play with each other, why you couldn't live in the main house with me and father, why you and mother were shunned?…now do you understand?" "s-so we were never f-fully related?" "-sigh- yes why do you think you and that woman lived among the maids with Mikata she was your friend right?" Y-yea she w-was" "But, before you feel anger towards my father he never even suggested getting rid of you that was 'that womans' plan all along she got rid of you in hopes of regaining my and fathers trust….heh but in the end she died all alone, still she deserved worse fate"

everyone around them was deathly quiet not knowing what to say even Sasuke was mildly interested seeing as how he never knew the Haruno's were a clan in Konoha.

"hey Karin weren't you originally from the snow village, Yukigakure though?" asked Suigetsu "yea we are, Sakura how did you get to Konoha and why is father here as well?" "you know Karin its rude to answer a question with a question right" Suigetsu remarked laughing at her rudeness. this time Sakura saw it best to answer before a childish fight broke out "We…well I came here with some servants who got work as farm helpers while i used my allowance to buy a house for us then I attended ninja academy and of course I had all my previous power sealed, -sigh- even my precious kekkei genkai had to be supressed so i was a completely shallow vain girl obsessed over -she makes a face and sticks her tounge out- 'him' -she looks uninterestedly at none other than Uchiha Sasuke- " "Wait I have a better question when did the clan move to Konohagakure?….and err why?" Karin spoke.

"The clan bought a large plot here 3 years ago and built the main house it was finished a few months ago, father wants me to return to the village but that will never happen so he built all of this-she points to a large complex (it was like a mini city inside the huge village) looking at the building disdainfully-" "f-father built all of this j-just for you?" Karin said full of envy she continued "no fair you got the better end of the deal!" "life is not fair Karin I see that you have yet to learn that besides this complex even village is but a jail to me, the village wants me to become part of the council permanently stuck in this place, and father wants me to settle down and begin producing an heir never to live the life of a shinobi again but hmm…Karin how would you like to become reinstated to the Haruno clan?" she said now smiling at her brilliant plan, all was well until Hinata spoke up,

"Saku-ra! Im sorry but I will not allow that to happen I know that you want to live your life and you have always helped protect me…even now but my father will not allow a marriage to a 'haruno' who does not posses your families kekkei genkai!" "Thats all right I….know a way-she said slyly-" and Sakura added "Besides I may never be fit to have children I am a killer, not a kind, tender, caring person, and i will NEVER be a mother that will be seen as terrible! I couldn't live with myself if that happened, and I don't want to be like my mother I want true happiness not false hopes…..so Karin what do you think? Want to be a Haruno?…I promise there will be no arranged marriage" "Well-' Karin got cut off by Sai

"First lets talk about why you came back to Konoha, Uchiha." Sasuke glared at Sai "Hn. We came here so we could live here, so who is the new hokage anyways?" "that…" said a voice from the back "would be me Sasuke…welcome back" said Naruto now standing up front near Sakura and Karin. "Now if you and your team could follow me to go do the proper papers to make you all citizens…oh and you come too Saku-chan" Naruto stated with an annoying grin spread on his face

Inner Sakura 'SHANNARO! Naruto-BAKA IMA POUND YOUR HEAD INTO THE NEXT MILLENNIUM !' Sakura- 'umm….if we kill the hokage im pretty sure that we will be in deep shit…-sigh- stupid inner!' Inner Sakura- "HEY! I CAN HEAR YOU YOU KNOW AND IM YOU SO THAT MAKES YOU STUPID TOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!XD' Sakura- 'oh so you admit it…i knew you knew you were stupid -arrogant smirk-' Inner Sakura- GRR! HMPH WHATEVER UNTILL I THINK OF A GOOD COMEBACK!….UNTILL WE MEET AGAIN!:P' Sakura- 'stupid your in my head we are always together how can we meet again?' Inner Sakura- '…..' Sakura- 'hahaha thats what I thought…oh shit were here at the Hokage office i'll deal with you later'

"Okay Sasuke you and your team just fill out these forms and that should be it!" said a grinning Naruto, "Naruto baka! you just made Karin and Suigetsu sign a marriage certificate! grr your ruining my plans for her! what did you decide to help Hinata instead of your old teammate?…..OH MY KAMI-SAMA! hahahahahaha you made Sasuke and Juggo sign up for yoga classes at the YMCA heeheehee….what why are you all staring at me for, look idiot these are the paper you need to give them to sign" Sakura said kinda irritated now, "Saku-chan I just royally fucking screwed up! I just accidentally married two people and i haven't even been Hokage for 1 hour yet!" "W-what the hell Naruto its not legit they may have signed but its still not legit there aren't the 3 witnesses here to confirm that-" "Sakura, yes there are see you, Sasuke, and Juggo you all make three people." Naruto admitted now feeling really bad for Suigetsu and Karin. now wait 3….2….1…. "WHAT! THE! HELL! HEY DONT COPY ME! HEY STOP IT! ARGHH!" yelled Suigetsu and Karin at the exact same time.

"hmm now what to do about the living arrangements for all of them hey Sakura could you take them with you to your apartment?" "-sigh- yeah sure I'll take them in" said Sakura now thinking of how to put her plan into action Sakura Thoughts- 'well my plan could work but i'll need help from the…Uchiha….blaah! damnit thats the only way it could even have a chance of working though'

A/N okay thats it for chapter 1 so the questions are

what is Sakuras plan? why does she need help from Sasuke?

Will suika work out the marriage or will they fail?

What is Hinata planning? What is Naruto thinking?

why/what is Juggo thinking he hasn't spoke yet?

What revenge method is Neji planning to use on Tenten?

last question ….is it fate?… hahaha please review and tell me if i should continue this story and NO FLAMES mean people shouldn't waste their time leaving a mean comment ^.^ heehee peace out and if you leave a review thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

...:Konoha Gone Wack! Chapter 2:...

Disclaimer(Nat)- well we kind of only wanted to say this once but I like talking or technically typing so here I go! I do not and most likely will not ever own Naruto...unless I turn into a old japanese man and I dont wanna be a old man so NEVER!...eheheh i'll admit Im a bit of a feminist ^.^' does anyone else think its not necessary to put a disclaimer though I mean this website is called FANfiction, not heres my made up story that I just created and decided to post without a copywrite...-crickets chirp or watever sound they make idk-...(lexi) ok ignoring my idiotic friend on to the story!( or is it technically a parody?)

To Sakuras Super Secret Apartment/Hideout

"-growl- ughh we're freaking walking around to the other fucking side of Konoha, this! This is like the ghetto side! Oh no what if we get robbed AAH! oh I know i'll swallow my ring before they try to steal it from me hahahahaha i've outsmarted the thieves!" Karin was talking a mile a minute and she looked like she was sort of foaming at the mouth Juggo looked moderately worried but kept on talking to a bird that was perched on his right arms index finger you couldn't understand what he was saying but he looked mental, yet the bird seemed to understand him and would occasionally 'tweat' back.

Suigetsu was just super glaring at the ground as he kept walking occasionally he would look at the ground where before Karin would be stepping on as if he was wishing it would just open up and swallow her whole...never to be heard of again hahahahaha!

Sasuke noticed that Sakura was just looking at Karin, Suigetsu, and the copy she had of their marriage certificate very...err evilly Sasuke was kind of freaked out by the look and he almost felt pity for Suigetsu and Karin- wait no not Karin that 'thing' he was sure he would never feel pity or any emotion besides annoyance for.

Sakura was...having a talk with he inner so lets see what their talking about! Oh and Inner Sakura will now be shortened to I.S and Sakura to S when they have an inner argument!^_^

I.S- 'mwahaha we need to send those two on like a honneymoon or something that way those two can hopefully get together and stop their plots to kill one another!' S- 'thats by far got to be the stupidest thing you have said so far -sigh-...really why are you so retarded you act like your insane or something' I.S- 'hey! I don't act like Im insane I just have better plans than you do because I can actually think outside the box and what have you come up with...thats what I thought nothing!' S- 'thats because we have bigger problems like what are we going do when they get to my secret apartment hello all I have there is 3 rooms each with its own attached bathroom and a huge kitchen well 5 rooms if you count the rooms built underneath but they cant use those rooms thats my study and my training room/lab where I make my deadly poisons that only I am immune to and where I have more weapons than Tenten!' I.S- '-sweatdrops- oh yeah haha I forgot about that! I know! you try to find a sleeping arrangement for that and i'll stick to planning how to keep Karin and Suigetsu together!' S- 'yeah yeah your so useless thats all you can- oh shit were here i'll just have to talk to you later!' I.S- 'm'kay bye or well technically talk to you later haha since you know I cant really leave and all' S-'...idiot...'

"-sigh- okay we're here" Sakura said trying and failing to sound cheerful "ano...Sakura this is a really big river" Karin said looking around trying to find a house "your really stupid Karin her apartment is secret so of course its underground your probably stepping over her kitchen right now" Suigetsu said looking smug. "wrong" Sasuke said "what?" said Suigetsu and Karin both looking at Sasuke like he was stupid or something "he is right...its located under the river" Sakura answered absent mindedly "Okay but why is this river surrounded by a gate on this side?" Karin said Sakura answered "well thats because my...erm pets aren't very fond of people I don't introduce them to first and tend to eat them besides it helps keep my apartment a secret ya know I don't need the villagers to gossip about me more than they already do...okay now ready to meet my pets they can talk to so don't freak out when they pop up" "Hn." "O-okay." "Sure." "Whatever." were their replies then -boom- out popped the heads of 5 colorful sharks each one was a different color there was purple, black, blue, white, and grey. "yo sakura how ya been we aint seen ya since thursday!" said both the purple and grey one. "yeah haha sorry about not coming home its just I was on a anbu mission and had to leave asap...didn't Sai or Kiba tell you?"

"Nevermind that who are the people behind you Sakura?" said the white and blue shark "Oh this is Juggo, Sasuke, Suigetsu, and Karin" they will be staying with us for a while" "okay then well we're going hunting so talk to you probably tomorrow Sak!" said the black shark swimming away with all the other sharks following behind.

"Sakura, why would Kiba and Sai know about your secret apartment?" asked Sasuke who was secretly irritated and slightly bothered by the news he had just heard "Eheheh well you see...umm actually never mind its a long long story so we don't need to talk about it...err ever!" Sakura answered rapidly while trying not to choke on the words she was saying, "hn" (yay! Its random Inner conversation time) Sasuke- 'she is obviously lying to me...but why, damn she really has changed since we were little gennin' Inner Sasuke- 'heck yea boi! Do you see the way she dresses...i wonder if she is still a you know -smirk-' Sasuke- 'good question if she is then she wont be when Im done with her -(stupid) smug smirk- *poof (enter inner Sakura)* Inner Sakura- '! don't even dream of it Uchiha! I won't let you get near her but I will tell you this -smirks- no she isn't a 'you know what' she likes to party but hates p.d.a. Call this a threat or fair warning but Im warning BOTH of you look but you don't touch I don't need or want her falling in love while Im still young and hott! Ttyl!, oh wait no I won't heh -smirks-' *poof (leaves his mind)* Inner Sasuke- ' I always did like them fiesty heh she should be fun' Sasuke- 'idiot'

"SASUKE!" "hn...what?" Sasuke asked his conversation with his inner now completely ruined. "you baka! Don't 'hn' me we have all been calling you for 10 minutes you were all zoned out and like in a trance or something!" Sakura said all irritated "well lets all go in now",

they all walked on the water till they got to the middle of the whole river Sakura rapidly did a few handsigns and dragging her hands slowly and dramatically away from her torso and up into the air at around her shoulder blades she made the river part in two, a door opened up and they all started walking down the stairs toward the light (A's/N lol no they aren't dying!)

"Hey Sakura how come its all bright down here I don't see any lightbulbs or anything" Suigetsu said looking around finally taking his eyes off the floor for the first time since they had all left the hokage tower. "Hm, oh thats because-" Sakura was cut off by Karins gasp at what was lighting up the whole underground apartment "Sakura how did you get windows down here?" (A's/N okay now lets all pretend Sakuras answer makes sense because we made this up and have no clue if you can even melt rocks:/) "Well with all the minerals in the rock it was rather easy all I did was use a fire element jutsu and some added metals and you have strong 30 inch 'glass' windows that you can only see out from, the tricky part was getting the windows into the proper shape hahaha" Sakura answered while Karin was so totally confused "Wait...you can use advanced jutsus?" Sakura raised her finely shaped eyebrow at Karin and replied "Thats what you consider 'advanced' well then we have a lot of work to do"

they continued walking down the long and cold staircase that went deeper and deeper into the darkness but while they're doing that lets go see what team Gai! Is up to! Lee- umm ever so youthfull writers you have the name wrong its team youth! Gai- Oh Lee your faithfullness to the power of youth make me so happy! Come my youthfull student let us rejoice in the power of youth! Gai-sensei! Lee! Gai-sensei! Lee! -insert sunset cliff background- Tenten- anyway moving on!-.-' Neji- Just ignore them and possibly, if were lucky that is, they will have a competition to see who can reach the bottom of the River first and stay there the longest Tenten- Wow never would of thought but your...a masochist Neji!

Team Gai!

(inner Neji time!) Neji- 'must plan a way to get back at Tenten for laughing at me damnit think brain think!' Inner Neji- 'and Im supposed to be the inner jeez your yelling at your own brain don't be a dumbass just go ask some prankster like Naruto or Konohamaru for some ideas they after all are masters of pranking unlike us' Neji- '(completely ignores inner) aha! I got it i'll just have to ask someone who can prank people but who...hmm I know i'll ask Lee!' Inner Neji- ' -repeatedly bangs head into a wall- why... am... I... such... an... idiot!' Neji- ' -notices his inner banging his head- you need mental help man well later Im off to go plan revenge on Tenten^_^!' Inner Neji- ' -sigh- I give up he hasn't even realized we like her yet!'

Neji goes running off to find Lee, okay so he finds Lee at the training ground now panting Neji starts off asking him by saying "Lee I need (pant pant) you to recommend to me (panting again)-" Lee cuts him off " Oh youthfull Neji would you like me to recommend a place where you can get your hair trimmed it seems that you have a lot of split ends lately" Neji looking mortified quickly grabs his hair looks at it finds one split end and goes "NOO! OMK! (oh my kami!) point me to the nearest hair salon this must be dealt with immediately!" Lee points in the wrong direction because he is kinda freaked out by how...girly the Neji Hyuuga is acting and thats saying something considering this is Lee we're talking about. Neji runs off in that direction only to bump into someone but without even turning around to see who it was he jumps back up and keeps on running...if he had bothered to turn around he would have seen Tenten lying on the floor apparently knocked out from the collision her head had with Neji's elbow, to bad he didn't stop to look.

Chappie Two Fin!

Okay this chapter was typed up mostly by lexi so I think its neater then the first chap! We have no idea how long this one is but we both agree that its probably very short and for that we're sorry! this account is lexi's and seeing as how I Nat don't have one I shall continue to use hers! Btw isn't her picture just awesome I keep telling her she should cosplay with me but sadly she still says no:( ! Well its officially been decided for the next few chapters this story will seem like a parody that is until evil dads come out to play...oops sorry its a surprise lol nobody worry Neji will be way more in character next chapter just we wanted to add a little randomness and poor Neji just happened to be our victim!

Well see below this theres this little blue button do me a favor pweez! click it and review write anything you want heck at this point you can even spend all the time you want telling us how much you hated this story but remember writers are sensitive people...well I am lexi is the exception :/ she could care less what people think

well bye bye! be back in 1 or 2 weeks depends because right now lexi is ranting how her macbook is annoying her to death! bye from the both of us heehee!


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